i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
