Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
