just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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