Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
