our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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