I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
