dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
