It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
