Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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