Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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