Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
