Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
