Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
