I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
