i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize