I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
