So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
