Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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