If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
