Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
