best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish you could order shots online.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
