I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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