Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
