Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
