tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
