She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
