You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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