I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
