Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need water and some morals
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
