You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
