Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
