morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
