Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
