I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
