Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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