it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
where are my eyebrows?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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