I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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