Me too!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
