I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
