I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
