I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
