Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
