I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
