The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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