This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
