she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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