im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
