Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
