Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
