Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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