I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
