I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
