Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
