My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
