reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
