before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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