Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
