had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
