i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
