so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize