she was so not down for the gang bang
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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