in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
