I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
