We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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