Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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