So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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