I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Boobs are out for the taking
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
