my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
