for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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