Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
