Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
