Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
