the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
