Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So vagazzling was a success
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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